The value of Silence
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We all need time to think before we speak, before we try something out and after we have tried something out (time to reflect, absorb and see what has happened).
As adults we can do several things together e.g. look at an object, lean forward, pick it up, think what we want to say, look to someone else, speak, change what we did based on their reaction... |
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Non of us were able to do all of this when we started out.
We have developed this skill over time...
Actually even as adults we can't do it all when we are trying to do something new.
For example when learning a new task on the computer, we need time to think and look at what is in front of us and to explore what happens if we press a certain key or button and then to reflect, think back on it .
We need silence in which to do this.
If we want information from another we will look to them. If they speak before we are ready - we tend to ignore them or become irritated by their voice.
So, it's tricky enough for us and we have the luxury of already being able to, and knowing how to, co-ordinate all these things.
Every day babies and young children are learning a new skill. How to sit up, how to crawl, how to walk, how to signal that they need something etc, etc. Their brains are furiously busy learning many more new things than we are. Their minds are full of action and they need additional time to think and do all these new skills.
If they are looking at something in front of them and reaching out they need to concentrate in order to get the thing they are trying to get. Their head is full of the image of the thing. There is no space for anything else within that moment.
They have to screen out background noise and concentrate. That background noise means us.
Every time we talk when our child is not looking and is engaged in something else we teach them to screen out our voice, we teach them to ignore us. If we do happen to be heard then we are distracting them from what they were concentrating on - we are breaking their concentration and without meaning to sabotaging their developing skills.
By being Silent (but in the listening space) we give each child time to focus, look and concentrate, time to try something out and think it through. Time to see what has happened because of something they did. Time to see their own impact and organise their own thoughts. And with time afterwards - the chance to notice what has happened and memorise what they have just done. We give them time to be truly 'mindful' of the moment.
By giving each child time, we allow them to synchronise and prepare all of their skills , ready for us to give words when they signal (with their eyes).
Silence is particularly important for any child who is seen as having a delay in their skills - whatever that delay may be e.g. sitting, walking, understanding, talking. They need even more time. Not because they are slow but because the more they are allowed to do, the more they exercise their skills which in turn makes things easier and easier.
By being silent, watching and relishing what they are doing, only speaking when they look to our mouths for the word we show how to listen, observe, think and speak.
We have developed this skill over time...
Actually even as adults we can't do it all when we are trying to do something new.
For example when learning a new task on the computer, we need time to think and look at what is in front of us and to explore what happens if we press a certain key or button and then to reflect, think back on it .
We need silence in which to do this.
If we want information from another we will look to them. If they speak before we are ready - we tend to ignore them or become irritated by their voice.
So, it's tricky enough for us and we have the luxury of already being able to, and knowing how to, co-ordinate all these things.
Every day babies and young children are learning a new skill. How to sit up, how to crawl, how to walk, how to signal that they need something etc, etc. Their brains are furiously busy learning many more new things than we are. Their minds are full of action and they need additional time to think and do all these new skills.
If they are looking at something in front of them and reaching out they need to concentrate in order to get the thing they are trying to get. Their head is full of the image of the thing. There is no space for anything else within that moment.
They have to screen out background noise and concentrate. That background noise means us.
Every time we talk when our child is not looking and is engaged in something else we teach them to screen out our voice, we teach them to ignore us. If we do happen to be heard then we are distracting them from what they were concentrating on - we are breaking their concentration and without meaning to sabotaging their developing skills.
By being Silent (but in the listening space) we give each child time to focus, look and concentrate, time to try something out and think it through. Time to see what has happened because of something they did. Time to see their own impact and organise their own thoughts. And with time afterwards - the chance to notice what has happened and memorise what they have just done. We give them time to be truly 'mindful' of the moment.
By giving each child time, we allow them to synchronise and prepare all of their skills , ready for us to give words when they signal (with their eyes).
Silence is particularly important for any child who is seen as having a delay in their skills - whatever that delay may be e.g. sitting, walking, understanding, talking. They need even more time. Not because they are slow but because the more they are allowed to do, the more they exercise their skills which in turn makes things easier and easier.
By being silent, watching and relishing what they are doing, only speaking when they look to our mouths for the word we show how to listen, observe, think and speak.
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Managing the hubbub
Tied in with the business of learning to control our own bodies is the art of learning to listen to voice. When we burst in to the world all sounds and everything we see grab for our attention in equal measure. We don't know what to notice most - should it be a bird, a plane, a voice, the tv......... |
The world is like being in a night club - everything is at a similar volume, it's overwhelming.
Even when things are easy for us as babies it takes a lot of energy to concentrate on one thing and screen out everything else. It's difficult to know what to pay attention to and requires a lot of energy to focus on human voice and words.
We need help in knowing where words come from (peoples faces), how the are made (by peoples lips, tongues and teeth) and what sound those lip shapes make.
As tiny babies, we tune in to faces and when we do - the adults face lights up and talks back. We play with sounds looking at the adults face for encouragement and the adult copies us, nodding and smiling and showing with their lips just how to shape those sounds in to words.
We play with sounds and the adult watches, listens and bounces the sounds back. We tune in to each others faces, expressions and sounds and mirror one another.
When we become tired (overstimulated) we look away in order to calm ourselves and gather energy. The other person automatically stops, giving us a break. When we are ready we look back and off we go again in the synchrony of communication.
For some of us - concentrating on faces and voices is easy, we don't notice background noise.
But we all have very different sensitivities to sound and for some of us the hum of the extractor fan, the buzz of lights, the whizz of the washing machine are as loud as voice and very difficult to screen out. We don't know where to focus.
Many children need additional support in screening out things that are not so relevant. They need support in noticing human voice above other sounds and they need support in seeing faces and hearing voice (and how the speech sounds are made) above other sounds. If we speak and our child is not looking, they are not ignoring us, we are speaking before they have had a chance to look and see our voice above the background hubbub.
Making them look at us will not help. It will just irritate. Saying their name over and over will also just irritate (and teach them to ignore us). Saying the same sentence until they respond will just irritate (and teach them to ignore us)
We need to wait and watch, notice what they are interested in and then when they look up to tune in and learn a word/s make it worth their while with a smile . They will then see and hear our voice above the hubbub. In this way they teach us to tune in to them whilst becoming more tuned in to us.
Silence helps focus - both us and our child.
We can help our child by:
Turning off as many things as possible - helps e.g. tv, computer, radio, phone etc
Being in a space that doesn't have too many other fascinating things around.
Sitting in the listening space so that they can feel us tuning in ready for their signal.
Being still and quiet ourselves and waiting for our child to look at our face before we speak .
Even when things are easy for us as babies it takes a lot of energy to concentrate on one thing and screen out everything else. It's difficult to know what to pay attention to and requires a lot of energy to focus on human voice and words.
We need help in knowing where words come from (peoples faces), how the are made (by peoples lips, tongues and teeth) and what sound those lip shapes make.
As tiny babies, we tune in to faces and when we do - the adults face lights up and talks back. We play with sounds looking at the adults face for encouragement and the adult copies us, nodding and smiling and showing with their lips just how to shape those sounds in to words.
We play with sounds and the adult watches, listens and bounces the sounds back. We tune in to each others faces, expressions and sounds and mirror one another.
When we become tired (overstimulated) we look away in order to calm ourselves and gather energy. The other person automatically stops, giving us a break. When we are ready we look back and off we go again in the synchrony of communication.
For some of us - concentrating on faces and voices is easy, we don't notice background noise.
But we all have very different sensitivities to sound and for some of us the hum of the extractor fan, the buzz of lights, the whizz of the washing machine are as loud as voice and very difficult to screen out. We don't know where to focus.
Many children need additional support in screening out things that are not so relevant. They need support in noticing human voice above other sounds and they need support in seeing faces and hearing voice (and how the speech sounds are made) above other sounds. If we speak and our child is not looking, they are not ignoring us, we are speaking before they have had a chance to look and see our voice above the background hubbub.
Making them look at us will not help. It will just irritate. Saying their name over and over will also just irritate (and teach them to ignore us). Saying the same sentence until they respond will just irritate (and teach them to ignore us)
We need to wait and watch, notice what they are interested in and then when they look up to tune in and learn a word/s make it worth their while with a smile . They will then see and hear our voice above the hubbub. In this way they teach us to tune in to them whilst becoming more tuned in to us.
Silence helps focus - both us and our child.
We can help our child by:
Turning off as many things as possible - helps e.g. tv, computer, radio, phone etc
Being in a space that doesn't have too many other fascinating things around.
Sitting in the listening space so that they can feel us tuning in ready for their signal.
Being still and quiet ourselves and waiting for our child to look at our face before we speak .