Frequently Asked Questions
Supporting you in understanding VERVE and what to expect.
Understanding VERVE :
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Children learn moment by moment through their closest relationships. From birth, they signal their needs and intentions through their bodies, sounds and movements. The way their key adults respond — second by second — shapes their communication, regulation and learning.
Using video allows us to observe your child doing what they love doing, interacting naturally with you. We can pause and “freeze frame” moments to identify just what they are doing when and what you naturally did in response. This helps us fine-tune interactions in a way that fits your child’s unique developmental profile.
Each new video, taken at the start of a session, shows your child’s progress and ensures we continue adapting to their evolving abilities.
Working in this way has a far greater impact than a therapist working alone with a child for a limited time each week. We’re sharing skills. Your knowledge and insight with ours.
The video itself lasts only a few minutes. The rest of the session is spent reflecting together. Discussing with specific examples on video, your child’s development. Giving us the chance to learn from you, about what matters to your child, allowing you time to ask what you want to, whilst telling us what you feel we really need to know.
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No — because you are already doing what demonstration videos would show.
VERVE is not about teaching you a technique. It is about showing, recognising and reinforcing the skills you already have that are central to your child’s world.
Every child is different. Watching your own child in action gives us insight into their individual patterns of development. Together, we analyse what is happening in each moment, exploring how subtle changes in timing, energy and response can support them even further.
The freeze-frame process allows us to notice things that are often too fast to see in everyday life. It helps you leave each session feeling confident in what you are doing and why.
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VERVE supports children of all ages because the process focuses on how each individual child develops communication within their relationships.
In every session, we tune into your child’s regulation, play, thinking, communicative intent, language development, speech sounds and fluency. By analysing real interactions, we can support every child.
The approach brings together the therapist’s professional expertise and the parent’s deep understanding of their child. Together, this creates meaningful and lasting change.
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No — quite the opposite. We are asking the adult to not speak unless they are invited.
VERVE does not pressure children to look at adults.
It is essential not to ask children to “look at me.”
Instead, we respect that interaction is a choice.
The focus is on adults learning to read a child’s signals — noticing when to speak, when to pause, and when to stop. Children are given time to think and organise themselves without pressure.
Face watching and interaction develop naturally when children feel safe, unpressured and in control of their own communication.
See more on Safe space, safe face, playing for words.
Face Watching & Communication
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Face watching is the skill of looking at someone’s face to check for safety, interest and connection. We use it to see whether someone is inviting interaction — for example, through a smile, nod or attentive expression.
Mutual face watching happens when two people are engaged together, each watching the other’s signals, checking that they are understanding (actions or words) and wanting to carry on the connection.
Looking away is equally important. It shows when we are thinking, focused on something else, regulating or shifting attention and when we are not ready or interested in connecting. Looking away is often a signal that the other persons face or actions are not inviting or their actions, words and emotions are moving too fast and are overwhelming.
All of us vary in how much we use face watching, and we use it on our own terms.
Not looking is a clear signal that in that moment the individual does not wish to engage. It needs to be respected.
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There are many reasons a child may not appear to use face watching consistently.
Looking away can be an important adaptive state. When children are not looking, they may be focusing on internal regulation, sensory input, their own thoughts or actions. For some children, especially those who have experienced medical, developmental or regulatory challenges, their systems may need extra time to organise themselves.
Historically, adults were often advised to “talk all the time, or comment on what your child is doing.
This ‘non-stop adult chatter’ can unintentionally overwhelm children who need quieter spaces to take time to be calm, regulate and organise their developing bodies, thoughts and actions.
In VERVE, we respect the need for silence by exaggerating it.
Children begin to feel their impact, learning that they can start and stop interactions confidently, drawing and sharing their skills and experiences from each of their growing connections.
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In the early stages of VERVE, we intentionally keep what we say to one word so that your child feels the impact of their face on us, and their success in starting and stopping other people’s interactions.
We start with quiet times, exaggerating the silence and response in our interaction, so that they can experience and feel their success in starting, holding and discontinuing the connection.
When your child face watches, they are inviting interaction. By responding with one word or a simple gesture, we allow them to remain in control of the exchange. They begin to understand that their face watch starts the interaction, the adult affirming that they have heard and understood and will not “take over.”
By the adult stopping speaking, the child has the ‘space’ to continue or stop and return to their interest. By the adult remaining quiet, the child ‘holds the agency’. The child starts the interactions, the adult confirms with a word/gesture and then waits, showing they are listening and understanding. The child becomes the engine for the interaction, the adult the responder. By the child being the one that shows the adult what to do, they become increatingly confident in ‘initiating’.
Outside of the quiet times, you will find that you are more aware throughout the day of when to speak (on their invitation), being alert to when they are ready and can tune in to your words/actions and when they aren’t and can’t. From their experience of your response in the quiet times they will be expanding the amount and frequency of face watching they use throughout the rest of the day, supporting you with stronger signals, in the way that you are supporting them in responding without taking over.
Both within and outside of quiet times their signals of when to speak and when to stop will increase as will their natural expansion of language, communication and speech.
You will notice that throughout the day, you are not limited to single words, but your overall communication becomes shorter (chunked) and more specifically responsive to the actions, words and sentences that they are using, gently sculpting, supporting and responding to each individual interaction and utterance, scaffolding ideas together
What Happens in Sessions
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Play gives us insight into what interests each child and how they regulate, explore and connect.
Some children engage easily with toys and conversation. Others may explore the room and not appear interested in the toys. Whatever your child does, it provides valuable information.
When we review the video together, may not be interested in the toys but may join in action songs, or “people games.” They will always show us how they are connecting with you which is what we build on.
The goal is not the toy itself, but the interaction happening around it.
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Therapy is a process of understanding, adapting and patterning new interaction habits together.
Each session begins with a new video, allowing us to see how over the week, each child is developing and building on their skills. The daily “quiet times” help us the adults/parents become highly attuned to our own timing and responsiveness, gradually integrating these skills into everyday life.
For some children, four sessions are sufficient. For others, we may continue with “touchstone” sessions to review development and adapt support as needed.
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In many instances families live a long way away from the VERVE therapist.
We have worked with many families who are in different counties and in many instances in different countries.
Since VERVE works through the skills of parents (key adults in each child’s life) we are able to work with you via Zoom/Teams (whichever is your preference) in the same way as we would if we were meeting with you live.
The process is the same :
Step one : Get in touch and let us know exactly what it is that you are concerned about. We will then arrange a time that suits you to meet on zoom/Teams. Your child does not need to be present when we are in the zoom ‘meetings’ (they can be at Nursery/with loved ones).
Step 2 : We will ask you to take a short video (approximately 3 minutes) of yourselves with your child doing whatever they love to do, sending that video on to us via WhatsApp or WeTransfer (both encrypted and free to use) before we meet.
Once we have received it, we will download it, delete it from our phone, and store it securely.
We will then analyse the video in terms of your child’s regulation (attention, listening, ‘concentration’) , communicative intent (the way they use their language to interact e.g engage, respond, reject etc) Play, understanding, expression (for example - use their voice, gesture, words, sentences, speech sounds, fluency).
Step 3 : We will then meet you on the scheduled zoom/Teams date and check that you feel what has been caught on film is representative of your child. We will then invite you to tell us your child’s history. If you have given this information many times before, please do forward on any summary reports you already have, so that we don’t ask you to go through it all again.
We will then share our observations of your child’s communication skills and confirm that they fit with what you know and have observed, before sharing the video to show you what you didn’t know you intuitively do that supports each area of your child’s learning and communication. We will then suggest exaggerating elements of your timing to focus on the areas your child is finding more challenging in their interactions.
At the end of this session we will arrange a fifteen minute zoom/teams call within the next 48 hours, asking you to carry out another play time with your child (approx. 3 minutes) in which you experiment with what we have discussed, filming it and then sending the new video to us (in the same way as before).
We will then meet for fifteen minutes and share the video back using freeze frame to look together at the impact of what you have been trying out.
The therapist will then arrange another zoom session a week later, with you having carried out daily 5 minute ‘quiet times ‘ i.e. doing what you were in the ‘experiment’ video. We will ask you to take a new video (approximately 3 minutes) and send it on to us just before our zoom call, when we will discuss (and watch on video) the developments you have seen during the week. We will be using freeze frame to show what your child’s emerging skills are showing evidence of.
In general there are likely to be four sessions to begin with. The first two with one week between, then possibly two/three weeks before Session 3, and three/four weeks before Session 4. The space between each session won’t be known until Session 2.
Six weeks after Session 4 we will arrange a ‘review session’. A new video will be taken at the start, and then shared back using freeze frame.
If future sessions (touchstone) are recommended they are likely to be offered and scheduled specific to each individual child (often once a month/every two months).
In addition:
Communication/Contact: The therapist will ensure, with your consent, that they are in contact with any Practitioners/Professionals that are working with you and your child.
Summary reports can be provided after the first course of therapy and or later as requested: The report includes a description of your child’s communication skills at assessment, observations of their emerging skills during therapy, progress over time and a summary of their current skills.
Nursery/School visit via zoom: Where appropriate, and with your consent, the therapist will be in contact with Nursery/school, to arrange a virtual meeting with you present and offer VERVE reflection therapy via zoom/to your child’s key workers and teaching staff should you wish them to do so.
Quiet Times at Home
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Quiet times help children experience calm regulation without external demands.
These brief daily moments allow your child to feel their own body, thoughts and actions without competing energy. Silence creates space for them to organise themselves and build internal regulation.
For adults, quiet times are practice in slowing down and resisting the urge to fill every moment with words. This can feel surprisingly difficult, but it becomes easier with repetition.
Over time, this calmer interaction style filters naturally into the rest of the day.
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You may find it helpful to have the first few VERVE sessions just yourselves and your child. However, VERVE supports all children and family life in general and having brothers and sisters included is really helpful, so please do chat to the therapist about what would suit you best in terms of who comes and when.
Behaviour & Regulation
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Yes.
What is often described as “difficult behaviour” is actually the child giving clear signals that they are feeling overwhelmed internally (tired, hungry, unwell) or externally (background noise, lots of stuff going on).
Because they are learning to ‘manage their own state’ they can’t yet calm themselves. They need us (loved ones) to help them to calm, regulate themselves and support them with safety and clear boundaries.
We do this through our own calm energy and proximity
When children are dysregulated, they may move into chaos and react strongly. If adults respond with visible reaction or chaos too, this can increase the child’s sense of threat.
VERVE supports children in feeling safe even when overwhelmed by their own actions/behavioiurs. In seeing us being calm and confident in our boundaries, children feel able to manage what’s happening to them and become more able to manage their physiological and emotional states. They become increasingly able to manage and moderate their outbursts becoming increasingly calmer and organised.
At its core, VERVE is about the transformative power of feeling safe even when they are overwhelmed by their own actions and reactions.