Safe space, safe face, playing for words
Natural Skills
In the past, as parents we have been encouraged to ‘talk to our child all the time’ to feed their understanding and talking.
It is important of course to share words, and to talk with our child as soon as they are born, there being a time to speak and a time to stop.
Continuous ‘chatter’ is too much and usually makes anyone of us ‘switch off’.
Through many years of using frame by frame video analysis we now know that ‘quiet’ is as important as ‘words’, and that words are most meaningful when the other person is ready and able to tune in and listen.
Interestingly, children clearly and naturally show us when to speak and very importantly when to stop.
By tuning in to the clear invitation of when to stop and when to speak we give them the opportunity not only to manage what we have to say but also to tune in to the details of what is being said and how to say it .
By us stopping when they are not face watching us, we give them the chance to organise their own bodies, thinking and ‘processing’
Being us clearly and consistently watching, listening and waiting for their signal of readiness, they become confident in and clear in using their skills and in knowing what to expect from others. They then use those skills with other people to help those other people tune in to and listen to them, taking their time and building ideas together, with clear exchanges (turn-taking) and confident, successful interactions.
Safe space:
By naturally settling to play with what they are doing we often move in to proximity or safe space. This is the point at which both our energies meet. Below the level of consciousness when we feel that point (and it differs for all of us and between all of us) where we are almost ‘fused’ we build a ‘safety bubble’. See more on bubble of electromagnetic safety/regulation and co-regulation.
Safe face:
By being at their level and opposite, we can see their face and they can see ours. They can see that we are interested, listening and ready for them to tell us what they would like us to know.
Watching for when to speak helps us to see when they are not looking and are ‘processing and formulating’ their actions, thoughts and language.
Being relatively new (whatever the age of the child) to the complexity of the many things involved in communication, children need longer than adults to organise, think through, tune in, listen, respond, generate and articulate their ideas.
By responding to their signal of readiness (face watching) we match the moment, and move at a speed that suits the individual child’s developing skills, specifically supporting whatever element/detail of communication they are seeking support with.
By responding to the specific initiative of each child, we ‘slow’ the information we are giving down, allowing them to exercise and feel the success of their interactions rather than chasing our thoughts. The more they self generate the more organised and stronger their patterns become.
Playing for Words
Words have no shape and are hard to see – they are said and gone.
There is nothing to hold on to.
Play helps words to stick in memory because of the action and the image giving words meaning
Vgotskynoticed that always before we are able to talk about something we will have explored/played with it /done it first.
Experimenting with something and exploring what it does helps us to feel and remember the feeling, experience, emotion, and image. In us doing something and then face watching to find the word that word has personal meaning.
Toys have been developed to give children the chance to ‘play’ with things that are like objects in the real world. By playing with them it gives them the chance to organise their bodies and ideas, to think things through and to have a template in their head, from what they see and feel, ready for words to settle on top. For example by getting on a slide or swing, organising their body to get on it, feeling the thrill of it, gaining their balance and control of their body and then when they are balanced and ready, looking to see a word/gesture on the parents lip/body makes the word meaningful, and memorable.
They suck the word from the speaker developing vocabulary and ways of combining words that match their culture and experience.
By the adult waiting and watching we give ourselves time to specifically tune in to what each child is doing and thinking, their ideas and intentions often being a little different from ours. Fascinating.
Safe- space to think underpins talking with Safe face reinforcing their emotions, feelings, ideas, what to say/gesture and how and when to build ideas together (turn-taking).
Continued Reading:
