The value of silence and managing the hubbub.
The Value of Silence and what is ‘mutual face watching’
We all need time to think before we try something out, before we speak. After we have tried something out we then need time to reflect, absorb, feel and see what has happened as a result (our impact).
As adults we can do many things at the same time e.g. look at an object, lean forward, pick it up, think what we want to say, look to someone else, speak, change what we did based on their reaction...
None of us were able to do all of this when we started out.
We have developed this skill over time..
Even as adults we can't do it all when we are trying to do something new. For example when learning a new task on the computer, we need time to think and look at what is in front of us and to explore what happens if we press a certain key or button and then to reflect, think back on it.
We need silence in which to do this.
If we want information from another we will look to them. If they speak before we are ready - we tend to ignore them or become irritated by their voice.
So, it's tricky enough for us and we have the luxury of already being able to, and knowing how to, co-ordinate all of our skills (physical, learning, cognitive and communication)
Every day babies and young children are learning a new skill. How to sit up, how to crawl, how to walk, how to signal that they need something etc. Their brains are furiously busy learning many more new things than we are. Their minds are full of these complex actions. They need space and additional time in which to think, try out, and co-ordinate them all.
If they are looking at something in front of them and reaching out they need to concentrate in order to get the thing they are trying to get. Their head is actively full of all these actions, images and senses. They need to be focused. There is no space in that moment for them to tune in to anything else.
They have to screen out background noise and concentrate.
We are part of that background noise.
Every time we talk or move when our child is not looking and is engaged in something else we are at risk of breaking their concentration and without meaning to, potentially sabotaging their thoughts and actions.
They need to screen us (and everything else) out in order to concentrate.
Safe space and silence provides them with a safety bubble in which they can take time to look, focus, concentrate, move and manage . Space to try something out and think it through whilst also trying to balance all of their other skills e.g hold torso steady, lean forward, pick up brick, balance body, move torso back etc. Time to organise their actions and thoughts, Time to see what has happened because of something they did and time to filter their actions and the impact of those actions in to their memory.
By providing safe space and safe face, we allow each child to prepare and co-ordinate all of their skills, in preparation for adding and synchronising words or accompanying actions when they show they are ready.
Silence is particularly important for any child who is seen as having a ‘delay’ or difference in their use and integration (pulling together) of skills, whatever that ‘delay’ may be e.g. sitting, walking, understanding, talking. They need additional organisation time . Not because they are slow but because they have had to deal with more and because the more they are allowed to do, the more they exercise their skills which become stronger and stronger. They will show us when they are ready for us to say something
Managing the Hubbub
Tied in with the business of learning to control our own bodies is the art of learning to listen to voice.
When we burst in to the world all sounds and everything we see grab for our attention in equal measure. We don't know what to notice most - should it be a bird, a plane, a voice, the tv…
The world is like being in a night club - everything is at a similar volume, it's overwhelming.
Even when things are easy for us as babies it takes a lot of energy to concentrate on one thing and screen out everything else. It's difficult to know what to pay attention to and requires a lot of energy to focus on human voice and words.
We need help in knowing what to tune in to, how we communicate and with who,, where gestures (body and face) and words come from (peoples faces), how they are made (by peoples actions, lips, tongues and teeth) and what sound those lip shapes make.
As tiny babies, we tune in to faces and when we do - the adults face lights up and talks back. We usually start the game, playing with sounds, face watching the adult for a smile of encouragement with the adult answering us to show they are tuned in by nodding and smiling and showing with their actions and lips just how they shape and use words specific to their culture.
We play with sounds and the adult watches, listens and bounces the sounds back. We tune in to each others faces, expressions and mirror one another.
When we become tired (overstimulated) we look away in order to calm ourselves, gather energy and process what we have just seen/heard/felt. The other person automatically stops, giving us a break. When we are ready, we face watch once more and off we go again in the synchrony and turn-taking of communication.
Each of us uses each of senses in different ways. Some of us notice and are highlystimulated by energy, sounds, smells and what we see and touch, whilst others of us are born ‘less’ responsive to those stimulants. We are individual in the way that we respond to every one of our senses. Some of us become highly stimulated, noticing everything around us, whilst others notice one thing at a time. For those who naturally notice and sense a lot. they will potentially act fast and become overstimulated more rapidly and frequently.
Many children have had to deal with a lot more than their peers during their developmental history. They (and you as parents) have experienced a great deal in their short lives. Their little ‘systems’ have had to work much harder to balance/regulate integrate, co-ordinating and organise.
They are particularly in need of regulatory support from us, their loved ones. Their physiology has needed to send more signals of dysregulation (trying to show us that they need time and space to balance their system).
Safe space ensures that they feel safe and have time to regulate and co-ordinate. Safe space also blocks out the ‘hubbub’ all around. Our continuing respectful silence supports them in refocusing on what they are interested in, allowing them to hold steady, concentrate and layer their skills..
Silence helps focus - both us and our child. Silence also helps each child to tune in to human voice, at first when they are ready (face watching) and increasingly to hear voice even when they are not focused on the speaker.
It helps if during quiet times we :
Turn off as many things as possible e.g. tv, computer, radio, phone etc
Are in a space that doesn't have too many other fascinating things around and is at first perhaps just the child and us.
Sitting in safe space so that they can feel us focused on them and tuning in to their actions and signals.
Continued Reading:
